I'm lost. . .

I haven't posted in a bit because I was in the hospital for 2 1/2 weeks after the surgery and since I got out, I've been adjusting.

Quick update:

The surgery didn't go very well. (I almost died.) The doctor was able to get all the cancer he saw out, but he also had to remove my bladder and my rectum. So now I have ostomy bags.

I'm still getting used to them and really don't like leaving the house (What if there's a problem? What if someone smells me?), but I'm hoping that gets better.

**sigh**

I just want my life back. . .

Let's be real for a moment, mkay?

I find it funny that I can't talk frankly with my friends about the fact that I'm dying of cancer. They say all the things friends are supposed to say, "Don't talk like that!" "You gotta stay positive!"

It's hard to stay positive when go through 4 pads on a GOOD day and who knows how much toilet paper.

(It gets worse. If you like cherry cobbler, stop reading now!)