I want. . .

to be pain free.

My urethra feels like it's make out of the stiffest, most unbending bamboo, which makes sitting down torture until I'm lucky enough to find a comfy position.

Also complicating that sitting thing is my sciatic nerve apparently feeling I'm a bit. . .hefty.

My urethra also feels like it's some kind of ring of fire when I go to the bathroom. I'm convinced I pee lighter fluid. It's cry-inducing painful. Unfortunately, people panic when you cry while going to the bathroom (especially 12 year old Beasties).

I've got all these wonderful drugs that don't do anything. What's the big fucking whoop about Oxycodone (or whatever it's called)? All that shit does is put me to sleep. Putting me to sleep is not alleviating my pain. It's just moving it to a later time slot. I want that shit GONE.

I can find relief from all my pains (except the peeing thing) when I lay down, but all that does is put me to sleep, because I can't hold books over my head for long and I suck at reading sideways.

Part of me is looking forward to the surgery on Wednesday, because when you don't have a bladder, you don't pee out your urethra, though I guess that doesn't take care of the bamboo problem. Maybe I can get them to just remove the damn thing entirely. . .

So I got sick at work on Sunday. . .

They paged my oncologist and he told me to come in to the cancer center on Monday for a checkup. I really wasn't expecting (translation: REALLY didn't want) the whole lab work thing, but I guess it's a good thing they did it.

Turns out my hemoglobin was "critically low." (It was like a 7 or something.)

Yay me. Got to spend all day Monday and half of Tuesday getting three units of primo A+ pumped into me. (I slept through all of it and a good 5 hours afterwards.)

Waiting for all that blood to kick in so I can stop sleeping so damn much. . .

So. . .

I dropped off of Facebook for a bit.

I'm not going to go into why and I'm not back yet, just posting an update so people know what's going on with "the cancer thing."

I went to the doctor on the 15. He wasn't as "not himself" as he was last time I went, but yet and still, the news was still not good.

Turns out the chemotherapy isn't working. I have another surgery scheduled for the 16th of March. I think they wanted to do the surgery on the 16th of February (they talked about admitting me to the hospital straight from the doctor's office), but I put my foot down. I didn't have anyone to take care of Le Beastie and I was in a rental that I hadn't budgeted to have indefinitely.

After this surgery, I will be taking a month off of work to heal, going back to work about early/mid April and quitting my job to move back to Delaware at the end of May.

And. . .that's my update for today.

A quick update

Someone pointed out to me that I haven't updated in a bit, so I'm doing a quick copy and paste (too tired for more atm. . .)

At my two month post op check up, it was discovered that all of the cancer that the doctor had cut out had grown back. Now I'm on chemo again (3 month cycle that runs through March, I think). Harsher stuff this time. (My hair fell out just before Christmas, the first week after chemo I'm pretty much useless, blah, blah, blah.)

I am having trouble working full shifts because I'm so tired all the time, so my income has gone down. If something doesn't happen soon, I'm going to have to move back north, so I have people to take care of me.

That's pretty much it for now. I'm working on getting my energy back (instead of my day being a series of naps, I try to stay awake at least until Le Beastie gets home from school, working on walking more (not working out quite like it should atm. . .) and trying to drink more water, not tea) and trying to stay upbeat (sometimes it even works).

And that's my update.