I want. . .

to be pain free.

My urethra feels like it's make out of the stiffest, most unbending bamboo, which makes sitting down torture until I'm lucky enough to find a comfy position.

Also complicating that sitting thing is my sciatic nerve apparently feeling I'm a bit. . .hefty.

My urethra also feels like it's some kind of ring of fire when I go to the bathroom. I'm convinced I pee lighter fluid. It's cry-inducing painful. Unfortunately, people panic when you cry while going to the bathroom (especially 12 year old Beasties).

I've got all these wonderful drugs that don't do anything. What's the big fucking whoop about Oxycodone (or whatever it's called)? All that shit does is put me to sleep. Putting me to sleep is not alleviating my pain. It's just moving it to a later time slot. I want that shit GONE.

I can find relief from all my pains (except the peeing thing) when I lay down, but all that does is put me to sleep, because I can't hold books over my head for long and I suck at reading sideways.

Part of me is looking forward to the surgery on Wednesday, because when you don't have a bladder, you don't pee out your urethra, though I guess that doesn't take care of the bamboo problem. Maybe I can get them to just remove the damn thing entirely. . .