So. . .

I dropped off of Facebook for a bit.

I'm not going to go into why and I'm not back yet, just posting an update so people know what's going on with "the cancer thing."

I went to the doctor on the 15. He wasn't as "not himself" as he was last time I went, but yet and still, the news was still not good.

Turns out the chemotherapy isn't working. I have another surgery scheduled for the 16th of March. I think they wanted to do the surgery on the 16th of February (they talked about admitting me to the hospital straight from the doctor's office), but I put my foot down. I didn't have anyone to take care of Le Beastie and I was in a rental that I hadn't budgeted to have indefinitely.

After this surgery, I will be taking a month off of work to heal, going back to work about early/mid April and quitting my job to move back to Delaware at the end of May.

And. . .that's my update for today.

So. . .I'm taking a break from Facebook. . .

It seems like every time I turn around, someone is announcing they're pregnant. I'm happy for them. . .really. But at the same time, I'm enraged, because I won't be getting pregnant. I won't be having any more kids. And it wasn't even my choice.

I found out by accident that radiation had killed my ovaries. A quick off-hand comment by some doctor that I never saw again and I'm sitting stunned in the office.

I never meant for my daughter to be an only child.

And I'm pissed that she has to be.

I knew there was going to come a time when pregnant people and newborns were gonna send me down the spiral, but I always thought it would start with my boss' daughter (the first baby I saw post-op). It didn't, so I thought I was safe.

Boy was I wrong.

All the feelings were just waiting for 5 months to pass and me to drop my guard.

Oh well, I'll just wall myself off while I work on it. I mean, I can't be so self-centered as to ask my friends not to talk about their pregnancies, can I?

A quick update

Someone pointed out to me that I haven't updated in a bit, so I'm doing a quick copy and paste (too tired for more atm. . .)

At my two month post op check up, it was discovered that all of the cancer that the doctor had cut out had grown back. Now I'm on chemo again (3 month cycle that runs through March, I think). Harsher stuff this time. (My hair fell out just before Christmas, the first week after chemo I'm pretty much useless, blah, blah, blah.)

I am having trouble working full shifts because I'm so tired all the time, so my income has gone down. If something doesn't happen soon, I'm going to have to move back north, so I have people to take care of me.

That's pretty much it for now. I'm working on getting my energy back (instead of my day being a series of naps, I try to stay awake at least until Le Beastie gets home from school, working on walking more (not working out quite like it should atm. . .) and trying to drink more water, not tea) and trying to stay upbeat (sometimes it even works).

And that's my update.